Enter Therapy

Seven Foot Spleen

Tee Pee Records, 1999

REVIEW BY: Christopher Thelen


It's a guarantee in this job that I'll get the opportunity to review some absolutely fabulous discs, and be able to sing the praises of artists and bands who may one day be topping the charts. It's also a guarantee that for every one such disc, I'll have to wade through quite a bit of mediocre CDs from bands who might have some promise, but just aren't at that level yet.

And then, there's the final guarantee - or is that threat? - that I'll be forced to listen to some discs which will make me want to claw my eardrums out with a gardening tool before the first song is over. Ladies and gentlemen, meet Seven Foot Spleen and their debut disc my_heart_sings_the_harmony_web_ad_alt_250 Enter Therapy, a CD that no poison control center should be without, since it's guaranteed to make you want to puke.

Featuring a band whose members are too cool for last names and a singer (Jon) who has a voice like Joan Jett being forced to drink battery acid, this punk/thrash quintet tries to display their power over the course of 70-plus minutes and 12 songs (we'll get to the unlisted track later). All the listener will hear, though, is unfocused, meandering music which doesn't seem to know which category it wants to belong to. If it were merely confusing, I think I could forgive Seven Foot Spleen - but this music is just bad.

At times, it feels like the group purposely stretches out a song in order to prove they can write songs longer than three minutes. Nice try - but trying to flesh out a song that doesn't have much there to begin with is kind of like strapping a prisoner in the electric chair and making him wait while you jokingly push the wall around the button, never actually hitting the button that will end the agony of waiting.

Does it sound like I'm being a little rough? Then try sitting through such sludge as "It Smells," "Rag Acne," "Power" and "Clean Catch Urine Specimen" for yourself, and see how long it takes for you to yank this disc from the player and smash it against the wall.

If all this wasn't enough, the band offers listeners a "gift" at the end of the disc - the bonus track. The untitled twelfth track is nothing more than a sound loop, which at times is actually better than the crap that Seven Foot Spleen included on the disc proper. But the constant, repetitive drone of this loop is enough to drive you crazy after two minutes - and it stretches on for far longer than that. Note to the band: Just because a CD can hold 74 minutes' worth of music doesn't mean you have to fill every second of it.

Enter Therapy is the kind of disc which just might drive people back to therapy. If there was ever a time to undergo elective surgery, it might be time to have Seven Foot Spleen removed.

Rating: F

User Rating: Not Yet Rated



© 2001 Christopher Thelen and The Daily Vault. All rights reserved. Review or any portion may not be reproduced without written permission. Cover art is the intellectual property of Tee Pee Records, and is used for informational purposes only.