All The Way... A Decade Of Song

Celine Dion

550 Music, 1999

http://www.celinedion.com

REVIEW BY: Adam Mico

ORIGINALLY PUBLISHED: 08/26/2003

For more than a decade, I have heard Celine Dion performances on radio, on hold, in restaurants, in grocery stores, on my wife's stereo, etc., etc. She's unavoidable, and as a result, my ear canals have been victimized. Dion's distinctive caterwaul is unbearable. Specifically, when she reaches her peak notes, Celine's vocal inflection combined with her dreadful French-Canadian accent has caused mental and physical trauma.

In an attempt to be completely masochistic, I stole my_heart_sings_the_harmony_web_ad_alt_250 All The Way... A Decade Of Song from my better half. After chaining myself into my listening chamber (the dungeon), I realized there was no turning back until she returned. Good Lord, "The Power of Love"! Oh my, this was her Air Supply cover! It's my cross to bear to admit that as a child I liked Air Supply, but I always disliked this song. Immediately, I became ill with her brand of screech-wrapped karaoke. Oh, the horror! It became worse when I crossed the most dreadful cover ever of the Roberta Flack classic"The First Time I Ever Saw Your Face."

Between "The Power of Love" and "The First Time I Ever Saw Your Face," my sanity cackled at me. Fed radio hits and kitschy album track fodder, the purging of my life's force had been completed. Knee deep in nacho cheese, the crippled soul of "I'm Your Angel," morbid adult contemporary of "My Heart Will Go On" and the synthetic "Beauty And The Beast" made me lose an additional 15 lbs. in sweat due to my intensifying shakes. I couldn't take anymore!

(*Breathes and breaks free*)

Although I learned that Dion does not caterwaul as frequently as I thought, I also found that she created nothing. All of her arrangements and vocals are obviously studio-dictated and offensively bland. She does not write her own music and cannot be confused with an "artist."

In her defense, I read that Dion won a songwriting contest before she became a successful singer. Considering that, she should be able to write songs that do not focus on love or relationships and/or sing covers that handle that same territory. She is a product of production. Even the many producers who crafted one-hit wonders in the disco era have taken that one single and displayed more talent than she has in her entire career. Also, considering her extremely spastic movements (allegedly performances) and anti-pop idol appearance, it seems that she must have made a pact with the adult contemporary devil himself... Michael Bolton.

Rating: D-

User Rating: Not Yet Rated


Comments

Question:Why are record reviewers so mean?
Answer:Because they don't make records.
Why can't you just give us a review of the record without being so snide, how hard is that. You obviously don't like this "ARTIST". so why not pass it on to a reviewer who is at least neutral.
This sites credibility has gone to hell. A bunch of freaking jealous grouches who's only talent is insulting people. I'm no Celine fan but your review is worse than any song this woman has ever sung.








© 2003 Adam Mico and The Daily Vault. All rights reserved. Review or any portion may not be reproduced without written permission. Cover art is the intellectual property of 550 Music, and is used for informational purposes only.