Features

Grammys 2014: The Live Blog

by Jeff Clutterbuck

7:00: And we’re back for Year 2 of the Clutterbuck Grammy Live Blog!

7:01: Beyonce mixing two great films to start the evening off; a 1-2 punch of The Exorcist and FlashDance

7:03: I do realize that these kind of performances are performance-intensive, but doesn’t it sound like Beyonce is lip-syncing?

7:05: Annnnnnd there’s Jay-Z. Vegas had the odds on him appearing during this number at 2:1

7:06: If there’s an awards show, you can be damn well sure there will be live shots of Taylor Swift jamming to every song.

7:07: LL Cool J was brought back for his amazing hosting skills: that or a major role on CSI: LA

7:07: SKYNET HAS GAINED SENTIENCE…sorry, just Daft Punk. Never mind.

7:08: LL Cool J came close to a #humblebrag, but pulled back at the last minute.

7:09: You mean that music doesn’t just happen here in the U.S.? Get outta dodge!

7:10: Anna Kendrick coming out reminds me that any school-age kid could perform the “Cups” song on cue, if asked.

7:11: Pharell is very close friends with Dudley-Do-Right: they share headware all the time.

7:12: No way Macklemore & Lewis lose in “Best New Artist.”

7:13: +1 for Jeff!

7:14: Probably not a good sign for the RIAA, and music labels that someone got that popular without their help.

7:17: “Royals” probably had the best hook for a hit record this year, glad to see it performed.

7:20: First commercial break of the evening: I just want the record to show that tomorrow and Tuesday in Wisconsin, temperatures are expected to reach -20 to -35 with windchill. If I don’t make it: my record collection will be left to all the staff writers here at the Vault, and I request a memorial plaque to be erected in the Pierce Memorial Archive.

7:25: Next year when he get his temps, Hunter Hayes will be able to drive himself to the Grammy’s!

7::27: We had quotes from the immortal John Lennon, the legendary Steve Jobs…and then Lady Gaga. But to be fair to Lady Gaga, it was just something she probably heard from Madonna.

7:29: Best Pop Duo/Group Performance sure has some heavy hitters in it this year, but I’m going to go with “Blurred Lines” as the official prediction here…

7:30: And the robots take home the Grammy: can’t wait for the acceptance speech!

7:31: I think Pharell actually thought Daft Punk would say something: Nile Rodgers not really helping out though either.

7:32: Jonas Brothers related humor is sooooo Dec 2013.

7:33: Thank you to GE for donating the world’s largest lightbulb for Katy Perry’s number!

7:34: War Horse 2: Electric Boogaloo.

7:36: She’s a witch!! BURN HER!!!! But of course, only if she weighs the same as a duck…

7:37: I never would guessed that Robin Thicke would find a partner in Chicago. He probably figured that with a 7 piece band, the odds were pretty low all 7 members would try to twerk on him at once.

7:42: LL Cool J perfectly executing the rare and elusive Grammy Award Chicago-related pun…

7:43: Preach it Robin!

7:45: Wow, didn’t see this being so Chicago-centric in terms of song selection.

7:46: “Blurred Lines” actually benefits from a horn section: small touch of jazz goes a long way.

7:48: Wait a minute, the guy from American Idol sings? WHERE DID HIS ACCENT GO??

7:52: Social Media Reporter: #completelynecessarypositionright?

7:56: I feel like the commercial breaks are getting longer and longer: could have made a sandwich in this amount of time…

7:58: James Vanderbeek is making a television comeback? Stop the presses!

7:59: I was just saying the other day that I’ve never really cared for John Legend, but this song is pretty damn beautiful.

8:01: Kevin Hart is right on the verge of overstaying his welcome…just saying…

8:02: I’d love for Black Sabbath to take home this Grammy, just so we can all listen to Ozzy and rejoice!

8:03: Macca’s got another Grammy to go with the approximately 172 others in his boat house.

8:04: Dave Grohl is literally the greatest man ever. That is all.

8:04: Taylor Swift something something blah blah boyfriends suck (That line comes from Mrs. Clutterbuck).

8:10: That whole performance was the polar opposite of her opening number at last year’s Grammy’s. So kudos for showing some restraint this time around!

8:15: Bruno Mars had a great year that no one can deny, but still can’t believe he’s playing the Super Bowl.

8:16: Little known fact about Pink’s duet with Nate Reuss from Fun: it was playing on a radio station every 2.3 seconds this past summer.

8:17: Why do the same exact balancing act Pink? Although this time the ropes are black not white. So there’s that.

8:18: Well, I guess we now know Pink’s been doing a lot of P90X.

8:21: I was expecting more theatrics for the duet, but these two have a lot of charisma and honestly, don’t need anything besides that.

8:23: Pop Solo Performance is up next: this one will be….”Royals” I’m going to say.

8:24: And “Royals” it is! Timberlake so far going home empty. Guess he has to settle for all the other awards.

8:24: Puppies and Motley Crue in this commercial for Coldwell Banker Real Estate: they get it!

8:29: It’s not breaking and entering if you answer a knock! Thanks Justin!

8:30: I GOT MY WISH!!! OZZY OZZY OZZY!!!!

8:31: Ringo’s greatest song is “Photograph”: hands down.

8:33: Don’t care that it’s just Ringo: the man was a Beatle and that will always mean something.

8:35: Jamie Foxx is a triple threat: musician, actor, and impressionist!

8:36: If looks could kill, there’d a be a little pile of ashes on the stage where Jamie Foxx used to be. Beyonce gave the look.

8:38: What do you think it’s like to wake up as Jay-Z? I’m just saying…it can’t be bad…

8:43: Def Jam should get all the accolades. All of them!!!

8:45: Taylor Swift just showed America how white girls dance to hip hop: it’s not pretty…

8:46: I think the amount of bleeping going on right now is actually slowing down the feed.

8:48: Kendrick Lamar, America. America, Kendrick Lamar.

8:49: See folks, now THAT was the kind of performance that completely validate the Grammy’s.

8:50: And that is immediately followed up by a lot of neon lights and some country star I’ve never heard of. Love the Grammy’s!

8:54: Won’t lie: that upcoming Queens of the Stone Age, Buckngham and Grohl collaboration is reason for excitement.

8:56: This commercial for Pepsi’s Halftime show might be better than the actual performance: Ditka on a wrecking ball? What else do we need??

8:58: Metallica should pay a tiny tribute to Morricone later on in the evening when they take the stage.

9:00: Why is Julia Roberts introducing someone? Ah, they had to go for the big guns to do a segment on The Beatles. Got it.

9:01: Oh man, do they really have to have Paul McCartney and Ringo Starr play something new? Come on Paul, you know no one is interested!

9:04: Yoko grooving to Paul? How come we couldn’t have seen that 50 odds years ago??

9:05: Wow, they didn’t even open the envelope for producer of the year! Oh, there’s Pop Vocal Album to go yet. I take it back.

9:07: Bruno takes home some hardware: it’s eerie how much he resembles 70’s era Michael Jackson.

9:08: #SocialMediaReport with Blake Shelton: watching people take pictures of themselves is compelling television.

9:15: Do you think Jeremy Renner knew who any of these people were before reading their names off a teleprompter?

9:16: These two men have seen and done more than most of the artists that have been on the stage tonight ever will.

9:18: That marijuana lyric might have to be changed in about 5 years…

9:20: Sorry guys, this one ain’t doing it for me. Never been much of a fan of “Mama Don’t Let Your Babies Grow Up To Be Cowboys.”

9:22: There is no way that Taylor Swift should be part of the “Best Country Album” category: it’s the one thing I’ve ranted against in every awards show this season.

9:24: Doogie Howser is here!! Too much eyeliner: looks pretty odd in HD.

9:25: I might actually pass out from the sheer awesome-ness that is Daft Punk and Stevie Wonder.

9:31: After a rough start where I think Stevie was a little lost, everyone rebounded to deliver a killer performance. I could have let that go on for the rest of the show…

9:36: Cyndi Lauper should get a gold medal for making it through that introduction: it’s clearly a lot harder to read off a teleprompter than it looks.

9:38: You can see just how amazing this moment is for Bareilles in her eyes: clearly respects the hell out of Carole King.

9:40: “Song Of The Year” is up right now: the official Clutterbuck prediction is “Royals”. Again.

9:41: And I’m right. Again. Not that I’m keeping track or anything…but next year I will make my guesses at the top of the live blog for posterity’s sake.

9:46: The one thing I’ve always thought Metallica needed was a piano…finally they’ve started listening to me!

9:47: Jared Leto’s a pretty smart choice to remember Lou Reed. At least he’s coherent tonight.

9:50: I’d be very impressed if they let Metallica play the entirety of “One.”

9:54: Papa Het still can belt it out: the years of metal had been kind to him, somehow.

9:55: Odd pairings are always such a great staple of the Grammy’s: the vamping between Smokey and Steven Tyler continues that glorious tradition.

9:58: “Record of the Year”? I think Daft Punk takes this one home, let’s see.

9:59: My pick for album of the year gets a Grammy for it’s lead single. Works for this guy.

10:00: When Daft Punk go out later to the after party, will Pharell do all the talking for them?

10:06: Don’t get me wrong, the message for “Same Love” is well worth spreading, but as a song it did absolutely nothing for me. Good for them for writing it, and making it a hit though.

10:07: Seems this would have been the collaboration for Chicago to be on.

10:10: Wait…a mass marriage? Now that I didn’t see coming. Grammy’s trying to be socially relevant.

10:11: And Madonna shows up wearing a white cowboy hat after Queen Latifah finishes pronouncing them: maybe it’s the cynic in me but it all seemed really forced. All best wishes to the new happy couples though, don’t have to worry about whether or not someone got video.

10:18: I feel that LL Cool J has had a lot less screen time this year: that’s not a bad thing.

10:19: Waiting for the requisite, “Everyone heads to the bathroom now” joke to be made…

10:20: My snark aside: having worked in schools for years, music teachers are awe-inspiring in what they can bring out of students.

10:25: “In Memoriam”

10:27: Miranda Lambert and Billie Joe Armstrong: ok…

10:30: And we are officially in Overtime here at the Grammy’s…free baseball, sudden death, whatever euphemism you want to label it.

10:31: Paul looks ever so pleased to see Yoko on the stage: no matter how many they times they say they’ve made up, I refuse to believe it.

10:35: “Album of the Year” now the final award of the evening…and I will go with Daft Punk again to close things out…

10:36: It was just the year of Daft Punk, and we were lucky enough to live through it.

10:37: Best line of the night; “Got sober and then two robots called me up to make an album.”

10:38: And for the finale, it’s balls-to-the-walls rockers ladies and gentlemen…

10:39: This is about as weird as you’d expect from combination of all these different guys.

10:41: And the best rock album of the year, …Like Clockwork gets its few moments in the sun.

10:42: Unfortunately, we don’t get to see the end of the performance, because apparently CBS has to cut away to ad for Delta Airlines: keep climbing everyone!! See you next year!!!



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